Walking into an operating room is scary stuff. Downright intimidating. I usually hold it together until I step foot into that room.
The water works start flowing in full force. I don't know if it's the emotional stress of going over my "not so pretty" obstetrical history for the past few hours with 15 different people or if its the instruments and tools starting me in the face that start the tears. Maybe its the anesthesiologist asking if I have a living will...or the 7 or 8 people shooting orders and medical jargon at each other, but I immediately start crying every time.
I lay down on the gurney sniffing and shaking as the tears silently rolled off my cheeks. The anesthesiologist was already prepping me for the meds. My OB performing the surgery walked in and saw me...held my hand...looked me in the eyes and said "Katie, you will be okay...don't give up".
I was starting to drift off already and couldn't form the words in response...but in my head I was trying to say "I won't...I won't give up".