Wednesday, November 7, 2012

It had to be the same exact date....

One of my students mentioned that his mom was pregnant a few weeks ago....Not my favorite subject to dwell on so I let it go.

She came in to volunteer a month or so ago and I could tell that she was sick with morning sickness...again, I'd rather avoid the topic so I didn't ask.

Today she came in again, and proceeded to talk about how sick she was. It was almost awkward if I didn't ask why. So she told me how indeed she was pregnant. I had to swallow my pride and ask all the questions. You know, how many weeks? Do you know what you're having? Etc etc.

Her due date you ask? March 25th. My exact due date for the last failed pregnancy. THE EXACT SAME DATE.

What the hell? Now I get to look at her every day when she gets bigger and bigger and think "that's exactly where I'd be".

Her 20 week ultrasound is Friday. That would have been me. Why did she have to have the exact same date? Ugh.


Monday, November 5, 2012

There Comes A Point

After going through this for so long there comes a point where nearing the end of the 2ww is different. Way different from when a positive pregnancy test meant in your mind that you would have a baby in nine months.

There comes a point where a sliver of you is hopeful, but a pit starts to form in your stomach at the mere thought of getting a positive result.

I used to find myself dying to take a test five days early. Now? I push it back as far as I can, knowing that such pain and anxiety comes with two pink lines.

My best friend called when I was at the gym today. "I thought you don't workout while you are waiting to test?" she asked.  There comes a point where I decided I cannot put my life on hold anymore. I am done with it.

So, that's where I'm at. That point of waiting to test, but not holding my breath at the same time.

It's just different now.