Wednesday, February 15, 2012

My nightmare continued....

I hate that my story continues. I wish I could say that everything worked out fine. Its been a year and a half of tears, frustration and anxiety. Tears of sadness for everything I keep going through and tears when thanking God I have my daughter. I never thought it would be this hard...
Soon after my second miscarriage I had scheduled an appt. with Dr. L at the fertility clinic since "Dr. Bad Luck" ob/gyn thinks that two miscarriages in a row right at the second trimester is normal. Dr. L. said since all my tests came back normal for a second time the answer had to be my misshaped uterus and we had to take a closer look. A saline ultrasound revealed that I had a large septum down the center of my uterus. The good could be removed through surgery. If the baby implants on or too close to the septum there will be limited blood supply/nutrients and can cause miscarriage. The miscarriage rate with a septum is about 90% without surgery. After surgery it drops to less than 10%. I didn't have to think twice about it since FOR SURE this had to be the answer to my problem! I could have jumped on his lap and hugged the man. Finally someone told me I had something I could fix! Surgery went perfectly. I had a new roomy uterus and felt like the dark cloud over my head shifted out of the way just enough to let just a little sunlight through.
Two weeks post surgery I am in his office asking to for another saline ultrasound to have everything checked out. I was paranoid that he didn't get everything during the surgery (sometimes women need two surgeries to correct a septum). I had to make sure before I tried to get pregnant again. The ultasound tech said "he did too good of a job" your uterus is "perfect". I was ready to get pregant again...and five days later I did. Pregnancy #4...with a new outlook in the back of my head thinking...everything is fixed...I am fine. If only I had a crystal ball.

Back to Dr. Bad Luck's office I went and was allowed ultrasounds before every 2 week appointment to avoid the torture of having them put that dreaded dopplar on my stomach. I can't handle that anymore. Unless the baby is flipping around in my stomach the moment they are putting the wand to check for a heartbeat I don't want it done. I was armed this time with progesterone suppositories, metformin, baby aspirin and my Mom at every appointment so I wouldn't be alone. Things were going great. Strong heartbeats at every ultrasound and I was starting to show. And then it happened again. This time at my 13 week ultrasound and 3 days before Christmas.  The second she put it on my stomach I saw the tears well in the ultrasound tech's eyes as those dreaded words came out again..."I'm so sorry". I looked at my Mom and saw pure sadness. The baby wasn't moving and was curled up in a ball. How could this happen again? How could God do this to me again? I just saw the baby 13 days before and it was perfect. It was waving at me and had the most perfect little nose when looking at its profile.  I can still picture it perfectly in my mind. All the hope I had - gone in one short second.

Off I went for another D & C. I just absolutely could not believe it. Dr. Bad Luck had nothing to say, other than...try again and this time maybe I would be put on heparin injections since maybe I had some undetectable clotting disorder.  Three weeks later I sat across from Dr. L at the fertility center and he had nothing to say to me since he already fixed my uterus. I don't believe them. Something is causing this. The chances of miscarriage after 10 weeks is like less than 5% and I've just had my third in a row. And to top off my bad luck they couldn't grow cells on the fetus again for testing. Merry Christmas to me.

I can't sit back and do nothing. No one is going to take control of this situation but me. I have to do everything I can and then put it in God's hands. So I researched a ton and made an appt with Dr. Stephenson.  She is the director of the Recurrant Pregnancy Loss program at U of Chicago Hospital. I feel good about this. She has dedicated her life to research and helping patients like me - and there are very few doctors in the country that specialize in this. She was wonderful in my initial consult. Although she did say this is a tough case she is going to do everything she can to come up with a plan for me. She took 21 tubes of blood from me that day with more tests to come (I have my follow up next week and will talk about that in my next post). Whatever happens from this point forward I will know I am with the best Dr. and I have done everything I can. I have a wonderful husband, miracle daughter, 3 angels in heaven and supportive friends and family so I know I am not fighting this alone.
So what was supposed to be 3 easy steps as I wrote in my first post has taken me...oh I'd guess about 147 steps so far. Whatever it takes me I will do. Whatever tests and injections and plans are laid out for me I will get through. Afterall, I think it will be worth it...Don't you?


  1. What a heartbreaking story. I hope this doctor is able to help!

  2. Oh wow, I can't imagine all you've gone through. I found your blog through ICLW. I'm glad you're seeing a great doctor now.

  3. Hi there. I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. I also suffer from recurrent miscarriages (3). Mine have all been before 10 weeks and I have been told that it is just bad luck. All of my tests have come back normal. I am definitely going to start following your blog. I wish you the best of luck! I'll be cheering you on!

  4. Forgive me if you've already done this, but some people benefit from antibiotics because of an undiagnosed infection. I hope everything works out for you.

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  6. Just found your blog. I am so sorry to read about everything you have gone through. You must be one tough lady! I look forward to reading your updates and cheering you on!