The words "lucky" and "unlucky" are used a lot when people talk about my situation. I have even used them myself.
"This many losses in a row without any medically conclusive answers could just be really bad luck"
"You are so lucky to have Nora. How is she here?"
"Your bad luck is bound to change soon"
"Next time is going to be your lucky one"
I struggle myself in how I look at things. Constantly. To be honest, my answer can change almost daily.
Four Miscarriages in a row? For sure unlucky...
Being born with a giant wall in my uterus? Unlucky #2
Not having insurance coverage on any fertility related costs? Unlucky Kate
Having no answers and no genetic reasons to fix this? Yep, bad luck again
Needing surgeries to rid my body of the loss instead of expelling it on its own? Not my lucky day.
But you see, when I set my grief aside I can take a step back and look at it a little differently. In 2008, before Nora, I would sit in the clinic and watch women bring their toddlers in for a second chance at luck. I would sit with tears welling and pray "Please, please God, bless us with one, these women are so lucky they have at least one and are coming back for a bonus".
And I am too...I am lucky. God has blessed me. I am one of the lucky ones.
I gave birth to a healthy baby girl...
I get to watch my husband be a Father...
We get to watch her take in all life has to offer...
And when I wasn't feeling so lucky after finding out about my last miscarriage my little girl said, "Mommy, don't cry...let's just dance!"
Seems pretty "lucky" to me...
Although there are times when its hard for me to see past the "what ifs" and "what should have beens", I remind myself I am in a good place. Do my struggles make me angry/sad/frustrated/doubtful? Yes. I continue to pray that we are blessed again, but if Nora is all we have this family of three is pretty darn lucky.