Over the past three years I've had quite a number of people tell me, "just try not to think about it and it will happen"....or "don't let it take over your life". This isn't as easy as it seems, especially since the second I open my eyes the reality of the situation hits me. The first thing I have to do every morning is stick my hand out from under my blankets, grab the thermometer and take my temperature. This is before I even utter a word, move, or open my mouth...and within the same fifteen minute time frame each morning.
After that its off to the bathroom to empty the contents of my bladder onto a stick where I then plug it into a machine to tell me where I'm at in terms of ovulation. I better make sure I didn't drink too much water the night before because that means lying there hoping my bladder doesn't implode while I wait for the 15 minute window to arrive.
Next is off to my laptop where I enter my temps and chart my BBT's before I forget them. Last on my morning list is heading over to my old lady pill box where I start taking my meds for the day...they have to be taken with breakfast or I'll be sick to my stomach all morning.
And these are only the things I do before 7 a.m.
Every single day.
Kind of hard not to think about all of this when this is how I get up every morning. Of course I'm used to the routine by now, but I will never "not think about it". People struggling with infertility or miscarriages have to think about it...because they have to be our own advocates. In our cases that little stork just doesn't drop that baby wrapped in a blanket off at our doorstep. We're not talking about getting a new shirt at the mall or changing the oil in my car...we're talking about having a baby and adding to our family. So I'm not going to "relax" or "not think about it" as many people oh so kindly suggest.
I wish I didn't have to but I think about it all the time. I always will.
Every. Single. Day.