CD1 (Cycle Day 1)
A fresh start.
Part of me is a little torn since we are still waiting on those test results on the tissue but I am ready to try again. I will begin the Clomid on Thursday. Let's hope I can bypass the hormonal craziness and moodiness associated with the drug. I don't THINK it affected me that bad last time, well..maybe I should ask my husband. At least I can just "blame it on the hormones".
I go back to Dr. Stephenson on the 15th to check to see how my follicles are responding to the meds and to go over results and a plan. A little frustrating b/c I know my body and I know on day 10 nothing will be happening yet but they still want me to come in. I hope she does let me try this cycle and she doesn't change her mind b/c all the tests may not be in - if that's the case all bets are off on any hormonal outbursts or fits of rage in her office.
So now I need to take a deep breath and get ready to get this ball rolling yet once again.
I know I can carry a baby full term. I know I can get pregnant on my own. I just have to get these two things to work together . I am armed with a full stock of OPK's so I'll just have to wait and pray...
Since before Nora I have worn these two medals pinned to my bra everyday. I never take them off.
The one on the left is a "miracle" medal from Mexico, given to me by my sister in law. The one on the right is a medal of St. Gerard, the patron saint of expectant Mothers. My Mom also wore one everyday while pregnant with me. Prayer is keeping me going.
I fall asleep every night praying the rosary. It gives me a sense of calm. I of course give thanks for what I have been given... for Nora, for my family, and for our health. I have found that a key word in much of my prayer is UNEVENTFUL. I pray hard in asking that I am able to get pregnant again, for an uneventful pregnancy, a smoothe delivery and hospital stay, and a healthy full term baby to take home. Even with Nora my hospital stay and first ten days with her were full of stress and worry. (I'll have to digress on that another day).
I pray that I can find strength in the days ahead. To give me some sense of calm, that it will all be okay no matter how things turn out. Afterall, now it's not in my hands anymore. There is only so much I can do and the rest of out of my control. It's in God's hands and all I can do is pray and let my journey unfold.
Ahhhhhhh....Deep Breath.......
I admire your strength and wish you the best as you move forward.
ReplyDeleteI pray a lot too and it does calm me. I hope we are heard and given a fair trial..
ReplyDeleteYou are right we know we can conceive and carry and birth. We have to keep our belief in ourselves. I know it's hard when we continue to fail..
Best of luck on Clomid. When I did 5 rounds past year it sent me mental, but I'm in my 3rd for this round and it's not affecting me at all, but I feel like the results are Bette this time round.
Hang in there..
Wishing you luck on this cycle!! Will keep my fingers crossed. I had four miscaariges and then unventfylly carried my daughter so I knew it could be done. I had three more miscarriages, one at twenty weeks and then carried my twin boys. Their pregnancy was not xactly uneventful but I knew that I could do it. It's hard to know you can do it and for it to be completely out of your hands.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this too!!!Hopefully this will be the month!
I just came across your blog and I wish you the best of luck in this cycle.
ReplyDeleteI hope Clomid is side effect-free for you this time, too! I nodded my head throughout your last post about people telling you to just not think about it. Yeah, RIGHT. Good luck with your cycle--I hope your doc decided it was ok for you to go ahead w/ Clomid.
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