It could be the "man when are you two going to have another kid" question (like I had over the weekend)
It could be the pregnant person complaining about how hard their baby is kicking.
You never know when it's going to hit. Today I got this in the mail. Thinking it was an invitation I unassumingly opened...
The sad thing? There were four envelopes for me. Each containing an invite, but not for a party one would want to be on the guest list for.
Like a lightening bolt...out of no where that reminds you of your reality.
For some reason though, I have been handling it. Maybe I have been struck too many times now and have had enough...or I've learned these things are always going to happen and I need to handle them. I know there will be days ahead where I will cry, call my best friend in tears or come here to release some of the huge weight I now bear on my shoulders.
But for these lightening bolts? I've got to brush them off, wait for the sun to reappear and keep on going.
And that's exactly what I am doing.
The healing process is often a life-long journey, but I'm so thankful to hear that you are just trying to enjoy life these days! I totally hear you about the lightning bolts, though. Just the other day, I was pushing my son in the park. We were using a double-jogger that my husband's coworker handed down to us. As a lady passed us, she commented, "You're missing someone there!" I smiled politely, but inwardly I was thinking, "Oh lady...if only you knew." It's painful for sure, but I try to handle it with as much grace as I can. Glad to hear that you're in a place where you can brush off those lightning bolts.
ReplyDeleteYou have seen way more than your share of lightning bolts, I hope the sky clears soon and you and your family get what you have been waiting for....thinking of you and hoping you can continue to keep on going, take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that you are achieving some balance. It is so difficult during this process. I hope you can maintain this level of sanity indefinitely!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post! You are resilient and strong and you will get through all the bumps (or lightning bolts) ahead. I'm so glad you're feeling so great lately. And I'm still hoping and praying for another miracle for you very soon!
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to hear that you are mending. It's not perfect or linear or pretty, but it's movement forward.
ReplyDeleteI was so glad to see a post from you and glad to hear that you are doing ok. It is so hard dealing with those types of lightening bolt events. My mom found out that one of her best friend's daughter is pregnant accidentally by her ex-boyfriend (who apparently is bad news). Sigh. I feel like that is always how it happens. You are right though. We just have to brush off these things and keep fighting the good fight and hoping and praying that someday all of these struggles will be well worth it. You are an amazingly strong person, don't forget that!
ReplyDeleteThis is again such a beautiful post. You are such a strong woman and that is such an inspiration to me and I'm sure so many other people! Don't ever lose this.
ReplyDeleteLightning bolts suck! I no longer go to facebook (except my business page). Of course I miss out on everything that is happening with family and friends but it is worth it to avoid those particular lightning bolts. Others are much harder to avoid, I know. Love and Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you are handling this recent lightening bolt pretty well. Props to you!
ReplyDelete(PS - Your black marker on the invitation didn't work on some of the text, I can still read the last two items. Just thought I'd let you know.)
Can you teach me how to more resilient? You are awesome, friend, and I'm so happy you are feeling a bit of peace about life right now. You so deserve that! Thinking of you lots!
ReplyDeleteCouldn't the medical center just mailed one envelope to you? I mean it sounds like you are handling it well, but seriously?
ReplyDeleteI give you so much credit for handling it. My way of handling it was always to cry to my husband about how unfair it all was. And I think it's a legit way of handling it but probably not the healthiest for me. I admire you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great way to put it. Lightning bolts. OMG, the four envelopes about Walk to Remember...that's something worse than one lightning bolt, more like a tornado that goes on for a while. You "sound" so good and I admire your attitude. Enjoy your time not thinking about cycles and such. :)
ReplyDeleteYour attitude and endurance are amazing, good things are coming your way for sure.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about lightning bolts (very fitting terminology), is that our own response to them is immediate and short-lived. Yet, it truly sucks, every time they strike.
ReplyDeleteYour plan to hold off for a little and enjoy living for a bit is a wise one indeed. Here to cheer you on on the next leg of the journey, whenever you are ready for the next round!
I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. One is more than anyone deserves. I hope you can still hold onto your optimism and hope.
ReplyDeleteAnd, OMG, what an oversight on the part of the hospital. I'd be inclined to put together a well-written email to the coordinator there. :(
I found your blog through ICLW; I forgot to sign up this month. Losing a pregnancy is terrible, I know. Hoping that you'll get through this rough road in your life path.
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your losses and all you've been through. I understand your lightening bolt analogy. My daughter died in June, just 9 hours after she was born at 35 weeks. I'm functioning, but at least once a day, I am struck and reminded that she is not here. I admire you strength and am sending you a big virtual ((hug))
"Lightening bolt" is a perfect way to put it. Hang in there and I'm glad to hear you've been feeling good lately.
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW!
I find the reminders of infertility or what we don't have pop up everywhere. Sometimes I can brush them off and then some days they break me. I hope you get your sticky one soon. I am sorry for all the pain and tears you have been through.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you the biggest hug, both for everything you've been through, and your positive attitude about the present. You are an amazing woman, and I know that you'll be an amazing mother of 2+ someday soon!
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW!