More Than A Doctor.....

Those going through infertility can understand when I say how much faith and trust and respect we give to our RE.  They seem to hold our future families (at least from a scientific aspect) in their hands.

You can understand how hard it was for me to learn that my RE passed away yesterday.

He helped give me my daughter.

He literally held my future in his hands when he performed my septum surgery.

He ran countless tests trying to help find me an answer.

He would hug me and hold my hand when I was scared or mourning another miscarriage.

He would let me cry in his office and then find the words to ease my anxiety.

He told me not to give up...he gave me hope.

He was way more than just a doctor. The tears stream down my cheeks as I remember how much of an impact he had on my life the last four years.  How many families he helped...

I pray he is now watching over me in heaven.

Hope

Hope...
So much more than a four letter word.

Hope is the intangible that I need to keep going with all of this and something that I am scared to death of.

It's what wakes me wake up each morning willing myself to keep trying. It's also what makes it hurt that much more if things don't work out.

One minute I feel like hope is just out of reach, and other times I feel like I'm surrounded by it...engulfed in its wings.

So that's where I'm at as 2013 came barreling down on us. Teetering back and forth with hope that this year will be my year.