Getting back together......
Me and my opks, that is.
I can't trust them! Lets back track to last week. Fertile CM, low temps, ovary twinges...but never a positive opk. Since I am self pay, and each visit to the clinic costs big bucks, we usually wait until I see lh line darkening on my sticks. I then go in for ultrasound, we trigger and IUI. My cycles are so wacko this is usually the best method since I normally don't ovulate until day 374 of my cycle.
I got antsy and went in anyways on Friday since it was cd 20 and nothing. Ultrasound didn't show any big follicles and she said my lining looks like it was "funky" as she so kindly put it. Funky as in what it should look like right after ovulation or with PCOS...which I also have.
Cue to this morning when I had my second day of high temps. I then went again, per my dr to see what was really going on. I had perfect striped lining at 17 and my bloodwork came back that I did, indeed ovulate.
So, just goes to show you can't plan everything...and we just might be like regular couples that "oops just happened to get pregnant" without running to the bedroom...pee stick and charts in hand.
I'll fall over if it actually happens.
In the meantime, I'm shockingly in the "two week wait" and officially broken up with my opks.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Video Challange
I've done myself in this time...
While after having a couple drinks on my anniversary, I had on my brave big girl pants and partially signed up for Stupid Stork's video challenge.
She is holding me to it. Holding me to go outside my comfort zone and answer some questions on video. Notice I said some (my Mother and Aunts are wonderful enough to read this blog and so I can't answer all)
I don't like being on video, actually I'd rather be in the stirrups for another HSG than have someone tape me....but here it goes, I do actually make an appearance!
While after having a couple drinks on my anniversary, I had on my brave big girl pants and partially signed up for Stupid Stork's video challenge.
She is holding me to it. Holding me to go outside my comfort zone and answer some questions on video. Notice I said some (my Mother and Aunts are wonderful enough to read this blog and so I can't answer all)
I don't like being on video, actually I'd rather be in the stirrups for another HSG than have someone tape me....but here it goes, I do actually make an appearance!
So again, if you haven't visited Stupid Stork yet, I suggest you click that little link above and pay her a visit. She's hysterical and makes me laugh often about how horrible IF can be. Sometimes that is worth more than gold...
In the end I'm glad I took the challenge. It only took three takes...one re-do from laughing and one from crying...Not bad!
Blessings to all...
Friday, October 12, 2012
"C" ing Is Believing
My Weekend...brought to you by the letter C...
is for CYST
The cyst is gone! Hip Hip Hooray! We've been monitoring it this week to see if it left with my period. It was smaller Tuesday but still almost 25mm. Even though it wasn't producing Estrogen and was inactive I was still leery about starting meds with a cyst. But now I don't even have to worry because that nasty little thing shrank even more.
is for CLOMID
Starting the Clomid today. 100 mg for 7 days instead of five. This time is SO much different. I am not worrying about every little thing. The wait to start this again was nice. I even thought about pushing back my treatments. Lets not kid ourselves, I'm not getting any younger and the stork doesn't just drop a bundle at your doorstep when you want it so I decided to go for it...and if I'm surprised with a pregnancy and actual baby at the end of it then it will be a true miracle! Now, come on Clomid, show me some love!
is for CINCO
Five year anniversary is tomorrow! I can't believe it..how fast it has gone! The laughter has outweighed our tears...the blessing has outweighed our grief....and one thing is for sure - we are much stronger individually and as a unit as we were five years ago. Cheers to the next five bringing even more joy to our lives.
is for CYST
The cyst is gone! Hip Hip Hooray! We've been monitoring it this week to see if it left with my period. It was smaller Tuesday but still almost 25mm. Even though it wasn't producing Estrogen and was inactive I was still leery about starting meds with a cyst. But now I don't even have to worry because that nasty little thing shrank even more.
is for CLOMID
Starting the Clomid today. 100 mg for 7 days instead of five. This time is SO much different. I am not worrying about every little thing. The wait to start this again was nice. I even thought about pushing back my treatments. Lets not kid ourselves, I'm not getting any younger and the stork doesn't just drop a bundle at your doorstep when you want it so I decided to go for it...and if I'm surprised with a pregnancy and actual baby at the end of it then it will be a true miracle! Now, come on Clomid, show me some love!
is for CINCO
Five year anniversary is tomorrow! I can't believe it..how fast it has gone! The laughter has outweighed our tears...the blessing has outweighed our grief....and one thing is for sure - we are much stronger individually and as a unit as we were five years ago. Cheers to the next five bringing even more joy to our lives.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Infertility Even Affects....
Infertility affects so many aspects of life.
Even your teeth.
At least mine.
Since my first miscarriage almost two years ago, I have begun clenching my jaw while sleeping and grinding my teeth. The anxiety, worry, stress coming forward even when I'm sleeping. I never had that problem before, but now when I wake I can feel my jaw is sore, that my teeth hurt because of the constant clenching.
It all came to a head this week. Monday I started having some tooth and gum pain, I took some tylenol and ignored it. I was at work Thursday and started having the worst "I want to jump out the window or someone shoot me now" pain. The kind of pain the is crippling and had me at my knees writhing and crying out for two days straight. I practically ran in and sat on the dentist's lap waiting for the novicane so I could have relief for an hour. That didn't even work. The major painkillers didn't even put a dent in it.
Since that tooth already has a root canal on it, the dentist said it is probably fractured from all the tension and grinding, causing an infection and absess. The antibiotics have relieved enough of the pain that I can at least see straight now but the tooth has to come out. The absess may clear but chances are it will come back....and Lord I can't even imagine what would happen if I had this while pregnant. I cannot imagine it.
So since I am clearly not pregnant and awaiting my period still I am going today to get this sucker taken out. My face is all swollen already and I look like I got ran over by a bus from being in agony since Thursday.
Thank you again, infertility....for all the wreckage you have created in my life and in the lives of so many others. You suck.
Even your teeth.
At least mine.
Since my first miscarriage almost two years ago, I have begun clenching my jaw while sleeping and grinding my teeth. The anxiety, worry, stress coming forward even when I'm sleeping. I never had that problem before, but now when I wake I can feel my jaw is sore, that my teeth hurt because of the constant clenching.
It all came to a head this week. Monday I started having some tooth and gum pain, I took some tylenol and ignored it. I was at work Thursday and started having the worst "I want to jump out the window or someone shoot me now" pain. The kind of pain the is crippling and had me at my knees writhing and crying out for two days straight. I practically ran in and sat on the dentist's lap waiting for the novicane so I could have relief for an hour. That didn't even work. The major painkillers didn't even put a dent in it.
Since that tooth already has a root canal on it, the dentist said it is probably fractured from all the tension and grinding, causing an infection and absess. The antibiotics have relieved enough of the pain that I can at least see straight now but the tooth has to come out. The absess may clear but chances are it will come back....and Lord I can't even imagine what would happen if I had this while pregnant. I cannot imagine it.
So since I am clearly not pregnant and awaiting my period still I am going today to get this sucker taken out. My face is all swollen already and I look like I got ran over by a bus from being in agony since Thursday.
Thank you again, infertility....for all the wreckage you have created in my life and in the lives of so many others. You suck.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Hurdles
Seems like every time I turn the corner to the straight away, another damn hurdle pops up. My "less than stellar" reproductive system has thrown another wrench into things.
Finally I had enough waiting and made an appt to have bloodwork and ultrasound to see what going on with this cycle. It's almost 7 weeks post d and c no period in sight. Temps were still low too so I knew it wasn't coming anytime soon.
Another hurdle. A 34 mm cyst on my right ovary. They found it on Tuesday and wanted to give it a couple days to see if I'd ovulate from it.
Hahaha, funny.....That would have been too easy for me. It laughed at that idea and even grew a little. It's inactive but I am starting Provera tonight to induce a period and hopefully shrink it back down. My lining is super thick and my ute is in need of a good cleaning. Out with the old, in with the new.
Ready to move forward...but wishing I'd quit running into these damn hurdles.
Happy PCOS awareness month to me....as if the Metformin side effects weren't horrid enough.
Finally I had enough waiting and made an appt to have bloodwork and ultrasound to see what going on with this cycle. It's almost 7 weeks post d and c no period in sight. Temps were still low too so I knew it wasn't coming anytime soon.
Another hurdle. A 34 mm cyst on my right ovary. They found it on Tuesday and wanted to give it a couple days to see if I'd ovulate from it.
Hahaha, funny.....That would have been too easy for me. It laughed at that idea and even grew a little. It's inactive but I am starting Provera tonight to induce a period and hopefully shrink it back down. My lining is super thick and my ute is in need of a good cleaning. Out with the old, in with the new.
Ready to move forward...but wishing I'd quit running into these damn hurdles.
Happy PCOS awareness month to me....as if the Metformin side effects weren't horrid enough.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Lightening Bolts
I can't tell you enough how great I've been feeling lately. I have no idea how or why but I have been really feeling like myself again. We have had some amazing weekends, full of laughter, family and friends. Taking a mini break from all the stress sure has done me some good. Once in a while thoughts of the next cycle creep in and I immediately block them out because I can feel myself start to worry. I was even supposed to call the nurse today to induce my period but I am going to wait a bit...enjoy living for a while.
It sure is crazy though. I'll be skipping right along and BAM something pops out of nothing and it hits you like a ton of bricks, like a lightening bolt zapped you from the sky.
It could be another "oops we weren't even trying for number three pregnancy annoucement on Facebook" (seems to happen all the time these days)
It could be the "man when are you two going to have another kid" question (like I had over the weekend)
It could be the pregnant person complaining about how hard their baby is kicking.
You never know when it's going to hit. Today I got this in the mail. Thinking it was an invitation I unassumingly opened...
The sad thing? There were four envelopes for me. Each containing an invite, but not for a party one would want to be on the guest list for.
Like a lightening bolt...out of no where that reminds you of your reality.
For some reason though, I have been handling it. Maybe I have been struck too many times now and have had enough...or I've learned these things are always going to happen and I need to handle them. I know there will be days ahead where I will cry, call my best friend in tears or come here to release some of the huge weight I now bear on my shoulders.
But for these lightening bolts? I've got to brush them off, wait for the sun to reappear and keep on going.
And that's exactly what I am doing.
It could be the "man when are you two going to have another kid" question (like I had over the weekend)
It could be the pregnant person complaining about how hard their baby is kicking.
You never know when it's going to hit. Today I got this in the mail. Thinking it was an invitation I unassumingly opened...
The sad thing? There were four envelopes for me. Each containing an invite, but not for a party one would want to be on the guest list for.
Like a lightening bolt...out of no where that reminds you of your reality.
For some reason though, I have been handling it. Maybe I have been struck too many times now and have had enough...or I've learned these things are always going to happen and I need to handle them. I know there will be days ahead where I will cry, call my best friend in tears or come here to release some of the huge weight I now bear on my shoulders.
But for these lightening bolts? I've got to brush them off, wait for the sun to reappear and keep on going.
And that's exactly what I am doing.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Officially....
Unpregnant
Seems like I'm either waiting for the two lines to appear or waiting for them to disappear...doesn't it?
I'm happy to be running again.
I'm happy to be doctor appointment free for the next few weeks.
I'm happy that I decided not to track my hcg so I don't have to analyze my numbers going down.
I'm happy fall is here (stay away Chicago winter)...
It's been four weeks since my d and c. My period should come in the next two weeks and I have to call my nurse next week to check in. When it does we will be full steam ahead.
Four weeks ago. I feel like it takes so long to reset my body/hormones but I'm trucking along nicely.
Four weeks ago. I feel like it takes so long to reset my body/hormones but I'm trucking along nicely.
Just enjoying life.
And waiting for the chance to see those two lines of hope once again...
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